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Friday, June 24, 2005
Flashes from the past
“I had the lonely child’s habit of making up stories and holding conversations with imaginary persons” – George Orwell – I found this quote accidentally, while checking out someone’s profile and blog but it triggered a lot of memories from my childhood.

Well, I have to admit I didn’t know it was a habit, but I’m sure glad I am not alone! I was never a lonely child if that means not being around other children that much, but I was very lonely in the hours I spent home alone while my parents were at work and I was really lonely during the two hours nap (kindergarten) when I really couldn’t sleep. So I was talking to all these made up characters, but I never believed they were real. I was just creating someone to talk to, although I was just talking to myself out loud, mostly because even as a child I had problems shutting up for more than five minutes.

Later, I started writing. I tried poetry but realized almost instantly that it really wasn’t my cup of tea (read “I wasn’t that good” here) and that I was more attracted to novels and short stories. I started a lot of novels but only finished one (and when that was finished I decided it wasn’t good enough). What I finished were essays and sketches to be used later. But everything I ever wrote had been read by a few persons. Friends and class mates mostly, but I did get used to a certain audience for what I was saying. I always needed people to tell me what they thought of my “works” as I always felt I wasn’t writing just to please myself (this might explain the great pleasure comments give me).

Most of the feedback I had was encouraging. But if someone said what I had written was no good, I’d be very sad. Especially if that person were someone important to me. What seems so strange to me is that I never gave anything of what I wrote to my mom. I don’t know why, maybe because I was so convinced she had no time for that and would consider it crap. I was probably wrong.

My best period as a writer was in high-school (the first three years). I still remember all the nights I spent in my little “office” (my step father – may he rest in peace – transformed one of the rooms in a so called office – I had my desk and my books there, and of course a lot of posters and pictures and it was the Kayla work area) reading and writing and having a huge debate going on in my mind (Was I a genius or not?) and the radio playing…I miss those nights and the self imposed solitude I enjoyed so much. Actually these were the only times I didn’t need to talk – I was creating characters that were talking to each other.

During high-school, I always carried the book I was reading everywhere. Any train ride, any less important class, any time spent alone was a good time to read (don’t get me wrong, I did spend enormous amounts of time watching TV and with my friends, I wasn’t always reading). Back then I was a walking enigma – being one of the best students and having so much fun. I guess I owe that to my beloved brain that always required very little time to learn. I still have a book with me, most of the times, not always, but I don’t use all the time I could be using to read it. And my brain is half-dead at the moment because it hasn’t been used that much.

As I stopped writing, the only remotely resembling experience is composing posts for the blog. A very different experience, fulfilling in its own way, but I do miss my novels and my characters so much! It was the world I created and controlled, my very own playground where my rules always applied. Maybe I’ll get back to writing one day!
posted by Alina @ 10:59 AM  
6 Comments:
  • At 6/24/2005 4:05 PM, Blogger Mohamed said…

    I don't get it, so why did you stop writing?!

     
  • At 6/24/2005 4:09 PM, Blogger Alina said…

    I don't get it myself...Too little time, to little interest! I had just gotten into the University, a journalist wannabe, and was writing a lot for school, so all of my writings were..journalistic and I was pretty good...Then I got hired and my first job was pretty close to slavery :)). Now I'm trying, bit by bit, to go back to writing.

     
  • At 6/24/2005 10:23 PM, Blogger LouLou said…

    Kayla,

    I hope you'll get over your writer's block soon. A friend of mine who is also an aspiring novelist gets over writers block by going on what she calls 'a story binge'. She reads & goes to lots of movies & plays - anything that tells a story. That helps she says. I think she's a brilliant writer. All she lacks is self-confidence.
    I don't think you lack self-confidence though so get a move on! We all want you to get rich & famous quickly so we can go on tabloids & talkshows & say I knew her when!

     
  • At 6/25/2005 12:48 PM, Blogger doshar said…

    i would love to read something you wrote.

    i tried thinking of a plot for a story last night, and it would begin peacefully and then it would just go (almost without my choice) to a morbid or horror twist to the extent that it freaked me out!!!

    so i decided to go to sleep instead so as not to have nightmares!1

    maybe it is all the atephen king i read? i don't know why my imagination goes that way

    V.I. : i have finally finished your hardly finished post!!!
    read it and give me your feed back about the story. tell me how much of it agrees with what you think.

     
  • At 6/27/2005 8:05 AM, Blogger Sarah said…

    Hey Kayla,

    I really enjoyed your post a lot may be coz it reminds me so much of me. I always enjoyed writting and still do. I think it is your own secert place where you can say the msot stupid and hedious thoughts ever without worrying about anyone saying "How stupid could that be?"

    Getting postive feedback from others shows how socail person you are, but be careful you should find satisfaction in your own work as others may not always be there to show you support or give you a nice pat on the back even when you deserve it.

    Keep it up girl and hoping your pen will find it's way to your hand again. This is a pleasure I am hoping nobody will ever loose.

    Peace.

     
  • At 6/27/2005 9:39 AM, Blogger Alina said…

    Thank you. LouLou, for the vote of confidence! If I get rich and famous I'll call you all to a talk show, no need to wait until others discover u knwe me! :))
    Doshar, if I start to write again, maybe it'll be so good that people will fight over who to translate my works in every language spoken on this planet! :))
    Jade, if the pen won't, the keyboard will! Thanx for stopping by and hope to see you here again!
    Last but not least, I hope you all had a great weekend! I know I did!

     
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Name: Alina
Home: Bucharest, Bucharest, Romania
About Me: "This is my church. This is where I heal my hurts". It's also where I feel free and my preferred means of expression.
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