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Friday, March 04, 2005
About so-called friends...
What is it with these gynecologist visits? They always make me feel so awkward! Like I’m always in the wrong place at the wrong time… And I have to go again, next week for some tests, and then again after two more weeks. Whenever I am in front of the G-door I feel like running. Running as if I was running to save my life or to win the Olympic Games.
I really need to get home this weekend. I have been going every weekend for a long time, but this week I really need some TLC from my mom! Last night I cried my little black heart out (my fascist beast heart) because of a very stupid thing. It was all related to the Andra-bitch, Razvan’s new girlfriend. Actually not that new…Anyway! It was not related to him, it was really related to his sister. His sister was going to the disco with my friend Oana. And I had this very strong feeling that Andra was coming to. And I just do not want her around one of my best friends…
Yet it is more than that. I am really pissed of! My so-called friends (the whole group that ran my social life while I was with Razvan – mainly his sister and her boyfriend) never bothered to call me once to invite me somewhere. Andrea is so into being Andra’s good friend that she completely forgot about everything I did for her, of course. It does not matter anymore that I was always caught in the middle between her and her brother, that I betrayed her boyfriend’s trust (who at the time was a very close friend) just to protect her. Not at least one fucking beep back after a message…
And then I wonder why I feel so invisible… I have all the answers before me… I should just stop giving a fuck about what they do or don’t do and get on with my life…
And Razva… Oh, I’m your friend, don’t worry, but I just cannot find the time for you. Ever. When I told him he was not my friend at all, he said I was overreacting. But I somehow feel that he should have behaved a lot different if I was overreacting. Maybe if I hadn’t a busy life with extra hours at work I would have tried to understand. But right now I really don’t feel like understanding anyone. No one bothers to understand me, so why should I try so hard for others? If they do not have time for me, then I do not have time for them. That is the right attitude!
So maybe I should just put an end to all these half-friendships!
Name: Alina Home: Bucharest, Bucharest, Romania About Me: "This is my church. This is where I heal my hurts". It's also where I feel free and my preferred means of expression. See my complete profile
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