I always loved putting my thoughts on paper – more or less real paper. Yet I was sometimes obsessed with the way it turned out. I always felt it often seems pretty shallow, although my inner being is quite complicated and deep. I always admired, for example, Oana’s diary style. But everyone has their own style. And I guess that people will always see you in a different light, sometimes even opposite to your image in the mind-mirror.

I guess I always needed someone to see me exactly as I am. Someone to say to me: “I can see through you, / See your true colors”… Yeah, even supergirls need to be known and accepted! I want that someone (I know he exists somewhere) to help each other be better, stronger, safer, warmer… That someone that feels so right as if we were halves of the same spirit, separated sometime in the dawns of existence. The “hyper-eon”, he who flies above…

I want someone to sing “Hoy” to every time he comes back (or I come back) from who knows where. I don’t pray for a perfect life… That would be insane anyway. Every road has its ups and downs, even a 5-year-old knows that…Yet I do pray for a happy life. For that imperfect someone who is perfect for my flaws. For a baby boy and for a baby girl. Something like this, more or less:

Que mis ojos se despierten con la luz de tu mirada, yo
A Dios le pido que mi madre no se muera y que mi padre me recuerde,
A Dios le pido que te quedes a mi lado y que más nunca te me vayas mi vida,
A Dios le pido que mi alma no descanse cuando de amarte se tratemi cielo
A Dios le pido por los días que me quedan y las noches que aún nollegan yo
A Dios le pido por los hijos de mis hijos y los hijos de tus hijos
A Dios le pido que mi pueblo no derrame tanta sangre y selevante mi gente
A Dios le pido que mi alma no descanse cuando de amarte se tratemi cielo
Un segundo más de vida para darte y mi corazón entero entregarte
Un segundo más de vida para darte y a tu lado para siempre yo quedarme
Un segundo más de vida yo a Dios le pido
Y que si me muero sea de amor y si me enamoro sea de vos y quede tu voz sea este corazón todos los días
A Dios le pido y que si me muero sea de amor y si me enamoro sea de vos y que de tu voz sea este corazón todos los días a Dios le pido,
A Dios le pido...

I know that if I really believe in this and if I fight for it, it has to happen at some point of my life… Maybe not all at the same time, but I know at the end of my life I’ll look back and say “I got most of what I wanted…”

My depression is getting a little bit better. I guess it will all be solved soon. After the exam which I hope I’ll pass. I will deal everything there is to deal with Cristi and Razva and then I will get on with my life. I need to keep fighting, no matter how tired I feel at a certain time. I need some quality time with a book (I hope I’ll have time to finish the second book of Dune this weekend) and some final paper reading. And maybe some TV, if I feel I deserve it…I really have to put myself together for school because I’m running out of time. And this time I really cannot do it all in one week!