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Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Sleepless or kind of
I have been having troubles falling asleep these past two nights. I just stare at the walls, thinking of a lot of things and then have a hard time getting up in the morning. I don’t know what exactly is playing with my mind. I usually have a lot on my mind, it’s a general state, but I had no problems sleeping before. Or maybe there’s just something missing or something I miss…Who knows?

Yesterday after work I met Oana at Carrefour. We both had stuff to buy and as we were hungry we first stopped at the McDonald’s. She was pretty upset and I couldn’t really do much to help her. But at least she found this great job within a huge company. It doesn’t compensate everything, but it’s a good start for her.

On the way home (a 10-15 minutes walk) all I could think about was to get out of those stupid high-heel shoes! They totally killed me! Cris was watching “Being Julia” when I arrived. And as I love the movie, I postponed my urgent shower for 20 minutes to see this wonderful performance. I still think Julia was an Oscar part, but I have no power over these decisions…Yet!

While I was reading Eve’s blog, I suddenly remembered the embarrassing conversation I had with Oana about her birthday. She has to take certain people out separately. I really wouldn’t want to be around ET! It’s not that it hurts, it’s not that I can’t handle it! It’s just that I simply don’t want to see him or his sister anymore. I am pretty tired of this pretend friendship! No, things didn’t end nicely, I got really hurt and felt really betrayed. No, we didn’t stay friends and we will never be friends. No, I’m not buying the “Really missed you, just didn’t care if you were alive though” attitude!

Things look pretty good in my life right now. I am surrounded by wonderful people so I really wouldn’t see one reason to expose myself to those that don’t really matter, regardless of their role in my past. The past is gone, after all…I do wish things were different in the past so that this segregation wouldn’t affect Oana’s choice in how to celebrate her birthday. But what happened cannot be undone.

I was thinking yesterday about how far I got, how much stronger I become during the year that passed. I started out totally depending on ET in what my computer was concerned and almost flunked an exam because he didn’t find the time to take care of the viruses in my computer. Thanks again, Cristina, you were a life-saver. Then got to installing my operating system on my own, starting to learn HTML and now I’m seriously interested in doing corporate support for an IT&C company, on their antivirus department! How funny is that? But I have to tell you I am proud of how I learned to manage on my own in so many hard situations!

In January I even started this blog. To get things off my chest, to let it all out! And it did more than that for me. I met a lot of wonderful persons and found out a lot of interesting things. Some of that people area really quite amazing in real life as well! Some of the people I knew in real life turned out to be amazing on the blogosphere. Moreover, I did practice writing and did eventually re-started writing novels.
posted by Alina @ 11:56 AM  
14 Comments:
  • At 8/03/2005 12:18 PM, Blogger irina said…

    Still, be careful, there are things or people that can actually challenge your strength... There is no instant when we can´t get stronger.

     
  • At 8/03/2005 12:19 PM, Anonymous Calliani said…

    Ok Kayla, just for u i will use all my resources to find out what u need to sleep as an angel. deal?

     
  • At 8/03/2005 12:28 PM, Blogger Alina said…

    Irina, I'm counting on things and people that challenge my stregth. There really is no other way!

    Calliani, that is so considerate of you! Of course it's a deal!

     
  • At 8/03/2005 1:06 PM, Anonymous Oana said…

    My Darling,didn't I tell you not to worry about all this separate Birthday celebration ... thing ?
    I could swear I assured you repeatedly that there is no need to occupate your preciuos,already over-burdened mind with unnecessary judgemental already over-analytically debated issues.It didn't even cross my mind "handling" it otherwise.What's done is done (until proved otherwise,of course,in the case of allegedly reparable damage,but I seriously doubt this applies here),I have already made peace with myself not liking the idea;over a year ago actually.

     
  • At 8/03/2005 2:38 PM, Blogger Alina said…

    My dearest Oana, I know you are a sweetheart! Just like you know I worry a lot about really not important stuff! :))

     
  • At 8/03/2005 5:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Sometimes the lack of sleep could be due to an early pregnancy... Good luck!

     
  • At 8/04/2005 12:53 AM, Blogger Rain said…

    You know what,sometimes bad experiences make us discover strength in ourselves.
    And u did great job till now..wish u all the best in the up-coming :)

     
  • At 8/04/2005 8:24 AM, Blogger Shirazi said…

    Interested to learn more about your novel writings. Tell more. Will you?

     
  • At 8/04/2005 10:29 AM, Blogger Alina said…

    Very funny, Anonymous! Although I know it's not that, seing it written still scares me! :))

    Rain, thank you! I don;t know how great I did, but i did ok!

    Shirazi, the story of my novel writing is simple: I started when I was about 11, kept going till I was 18, only fiished one novel and stoped liking it afterwards, although my literature teacher said it was pretty good, stopped until now. :) What more do you want to know?

     
  • At 8/04/2005 1:47 PM, Blogger bart said…

    hi kayla... sounds like you need a little longer time out than just a weekend... a holiday or something to move your mind completely out of the daily nonsense

    i'm having trouble sleeping too so if you find any wonder cures, let me know ;-)

    keep well...

     
  • At 8/04/2005 1:58 PM, Blogger Alina said…

    I did find the cure! It's described in my last post! :)) Try it and tell me what you think, ok?

     
  • At 8/04/2005 6:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    ti-am citit toate arhivele, mai ales cele despre relatia ta cu Et. sunt interesante dar in loc sa te ascunzi poate ca trebuie sa descoperi adevaratele motive ptr care te-ai desprtit de el. au fost motive pe plan sentimental sau sexual poate nu erati compatibili, sau sora a avut o parte de vina?

     
  • At 8/05/2005 7:43 AM, Blogger Shirazi said…

    This is what more I want to know: does the plot that you conceived years ago hold good still. Are you working on the same plot? Where has your work reached (I means at what stage is it?)

     
  • At 8/05/2005 11:19 AM, Blogger Alina said…

    Anonymous, English please! If you can read all my archives, you can also write a comment in English, right? I know the reasons for my breaking up with ET! Very well actually. That didn't make it easier though...But it doesn't matter anymore!

    Shirazi, there's always a different plot, although somehow connected with my life or lives of people I know. Right now the new novel is just a baby..

     
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Name: Alina
Home: Bucharest, Bucharest, Romania
About Me: "This is my church. This is where I heal my hurts". It's also where I feel free and my preferred means of expression.
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