These thoughts have been triggered by a post of Rain’s and its comments.
What I understand by double standards is the situation in which a person judges and perceived their actions using a set of standards which is then changed to filter the actions of others. This can have to causes: the fact that the person in question treats his/herself mildly or that he/she is harsher with his/her own actions.
While I understand demanding more of one, as I do it pretty often, the other side of the story I always blame. Yes, at times, you know yourself better than others, you know how much you can achieve and how much further you can push yourself, therefore you might be less forgiving when it comes to analyzing your actions. It is not always healthy, as it might develop into a negative attitude, feeling you always do less than you should and could.
But the reversed double standards are really annoying: making judgment statements of others when one knows he/she could not have done better in the given circumstances is really out of line. Pointing fingers and not being honest is quite easy though, as there seem to be lots of such people. I usually choose to stay away from them.
The borrowed standards I happen to find fascinating. I believe they come from our need to socialize, to feel liked by others, to feel we belong in their company and that they would never think of not having us there. This is a sign of wanting people’s attention and caring. Therefore, to have more such feelings of belonging, one adapts to a group’s set of standards and principles. For example one might choose to show and admit to a non-smoking attitude within a non-smoking group while being a smoker. Or try a beer, although one hates the taste just to not be considered a prude in a different group.
The downside of this habit of changing principles with borrowed ones can lead to making certain close friends or groups of friends as they have been lied to, deceived. At this point, they might think the person they thought they knew is a big fake, although it’s just a question of one principle, not all they have adopted.
The worse situation one can get into after adopting too many behaviors and attitudes that actually belong to others is that point where one no longer knows who one is and what one believes in.