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Tuesday, May 24, 2005
The "home" feeling
Depeche Mode - Home Lyrics
“It is a song from the wrong side of town
Where I'm bound to the ground by the loneliest sound
And it pounds from within and is pinning me down

It is a page from the emptiest stage
A cage of the heaviest cross ever made
A cage of the deadliest trap ever laid

And I thank you for bringing me here
For showing me home
For singing these tears
Finally I've found that I belong here

The heat and the sickliest sweet smelling sheets
That cling to the backs of my knees and my feet
Well I'm drowning in time to a desperate beat

And I thank you for bringing me here
For showing me home
For singing these tears
Finally I've found that I belong

Feels like homeI
should have known
From my first breath

It's the only true friend I call mine
And pretends that I'll make amends the next time
The friend of the glorious sin of the light

And I thank you for bringing me here
For showing me home
For singing these tears
Finally I've found that I belong here”

Most of the times, we take the “home” feeling for granted. Yet is hard to find that very special place where you feel safe, happy, yourself, at ease, or in a word “home”. I changed places to stay in for a dozen times since I came to Bucharest and the only constant place to go to was ET’s…So my only refuge was my mom’s house, the place I lived in since I was three.

One weekend I got home, pretty upset to be honest. I went into my room and found myself facing an empty wall – the wall that was filled with Certamen Ciceronianum Arpinas posters from my trip to Italy with Romania’s greatest Latin students. I turned to my room’s door and saw it as naked as the wall. No more Equinox Theater poster with Mishu’s name on it! The other posters of irrelevant musicians had also been taken away. And I started crying and kept crying for so long that my mom actually had to hold me in her arms to make me stop. “If I knew it would upset you that much I would have never taken the posters from your room, no matter their state” she said.

To be honest, the posters were pretty torn apart – they’d been on the walls of my room for more than four years. But I suddenly found myself in a pretty unfamiliar room and I felt so displaced. Or misplaced, I don’t know. I just felt the room and the apartment were being redesigned to adapt to my not being part of that “home” anymore.

The truth is I had a strange state of mind for about two months, sometime this winter – I didn’t feel at home anywhere. I didn’t feel at home in my body and in my mind, so I guess this was the real problem. Right now I feel at home everywhere – my mom’s, my place in Bucharest, my dad’s, Oana’s…Getting better, right?
posted by Alina @ 4:04 PM  
3 Comments:
  • At 5/24/2005 4:34 PM, Blogger Owzyo! said…

    Yeah, I don't feel that my village, Glanaman, is home anymore and hasn't been for years - but then I hardly ever go back so no wonder. Thing is now that I don't feel that I really have a home, Cardiff was approaching it for a while but then we (in the house) all had to move on...
    Like The Littlest Hobo

     
  • At 6/01/2005 2:14 AM, Anonymous ovi said…

    I found myself years ago looking for "home". One day I realized I had none... Tried to fool myself that the world was my home, but realized I had not evolved to that level yet. The other day, recently, it just occured to me that New York felt like home, was home. Thousands of miles from my birth-place.

     
  • At 6/01/2005 2:17 PM, Blogger Alina said…

    Hi, Ovi, thanx for visiting the blog!
    The important thing is you found a place that feels like home, the part about how far away it is shouldn't matter that much. Some of us never get to be so lucky..

     
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Name: Alina
Home: Bucharest, Bucharest, Romania
About Me: "This is my church. This is where I heal my hurts". It's also where I feel free and my preferred means of expression.
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