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Wednesday, June 08, 2005
About love or a life threat
“I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I’ve had you so many times
but somehowI want more

I don’t mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get insecure
It doesn’t matter anymore

It’s not always rainbows and butterflies
It’s compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door’s always open
You can come anytime you want”

I just realized tomorrow is the 9th of June. Used to be a day of ultimate importance and now…Just another day! Just like hundreds of other days that pass. I ask one thing – to be able to fully live each one that passes.

I had to learn a hard lesson in the year and a half that passed… To deal with everything on my own, to say no without fear to any relationship that does not satisfy my needs, to make peace with my past and with the mistakes I made, which were many…

I didn’t realize how much I accomplished during all this time. Oana had to point it out for me to see it, as she had to so many times in the past and I thank her for that. The biggest accomplishment of them all: I’m done with being a depressive self-pitying person, I’m back to who I used to be, to my true self, happy, optimistic, competitive, ironic and sarcastic as hell at times, me, me, me! The person I used to miss so much every single day…

Why the above lyrics? Because they describe a passionate and strong love, because I like the song, because I wouldn’t mind doing all those things for someone who would be worth it (then again that someone wouldn’t need me to wait for him in the pouring rain unless he’d be late and I’d have forgotten my umbrella), because I know I will be loved, eventually…

And if I won’t, then I’ll just have to kill Paulo Coelho for saying this:

“If we are capable of loving, we will also be capable of being loved. It is only a matter of time”

Well, I’ll give it a couple of years! If nothing happens, prepare for Killer Kayla (I did take Karate lessons, you know!)!
posted by Alina @ 1:48 PM  
6 Comments:
  • At 6/08/2005 2:42 PM, Blogger haal said…

    Very sweet, Kayla. I love your description of yourself. We want more and more of this Kayla. I like the firey nature, and the passion that come so vivdly through your comments, and posts.

    You go girl!

     
  • At 6/08/2005 3:11 PM, Blogger Alina said…

    Yhanks a lot, Haal! I really had lost hope on people's ability to like me just as I am. :))

     
  • At 6/12/2005 12:37 AM, Anonymous Does it really matter? said…

    Here's a little quote I enjoy related to the subject:

    It is not your job to seek for love. It is your job to
    seek within yourself all the barriers against its
    coming.

    ~ Marianne Williamson

     
  • At 6/13/2005 10:16 AM, Blogger Alina said…

    No, your name doesn't really matter, but as long as there are a lot of anonymous posters, I really do not know which one I am takling to! And I think calling people "anonymous" when talking to them is a bit weird, that's all!
    You say you enjoy it, do you agree with it as well? Do you think we should seek barriers against love?

     
  • At 6/14/2005 11:04 AM, Anonymous Does it really matter? said…

    I couldn't enjoy it if I didn't agree with it. I have already found my barriers. The problem is the fact that I don't want to get rid of them. On the other hand, sometimes I miss the closeness of "the other". Anyway, the bottom line is that as long as you know which are the barriers, there is still hope

     
  • At 6/14/2005 11:22 AM, Blogger Alina said…

    Hope? What kind of hope? That maybe someday you'll be able to get rid of the barriers? Once you needed barriers against is, it kind of means you are afraid of what it might do to you, so, it will be a lot harder to give up your shield...As time goes by, the chances of ever giving up your shield will decrease.

    I really don't understand this! We spend our life bewaring of a long list of fears, why should we add love to the list? It can do a lot of damage, I know, people who get to close to you are the most dangerous...By why not experiencing the closeness, the strenght of the feeling?

     
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Name: Alina
Home: Bucharest, Bucharest, Romania
About Me: "This is my church. This is where I heal my hurts". It's also where I feel free and my preferred means of expression.
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