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Friday, August 05, 2005
Reply to who knows what
People sometimes find a way to show you that you’ve been wrong when trusting them. Luckily this time it’s not someone close. But Cris and I are facing some people who disappoint us more and more everyday! No matter how great this company might get to be in the future, now I am certain we are so smart in going away! I really cannot stand the divide and conquer strategy…I need a stimulating working environment, but a battlefield is a bit too much for me!

Went to see Mada last night. She somehow made me feel great about my life. I liked my life before. Now I love it. I cannot understand where she gets the energy to be so positive about everything, especially after getting to the emergency room twice in two weeks! The first time she actually fainted in a bank! The second time she discovered she has some severe kidney problems and that she hurt her back really bad when fainting. But she’s still happy and she tries to enjoy everything! I admit it was a good lesson…

I also saw Oana who was upset, really upset…Tried to make her feel better, tried to tell her to take it easy but didn’t really succeed. I guess sometimes you just have to be upset on everything and just let it all out, no matter how aggressive you might get. The others around it will take it easy anyway. Or not, depends. But sometimes you should just stop thinking of what others might say or do. I will try that the next time I have a bad day, see what happens.

I discovered some of my anonymous readers and commenters think my life is a total mess, that I am a week person and all that…Again, the feeling people can’t really see me, they see just a hologram of who I am, a ghost! But you can see through ghosts and the things in the background seem like parts of the ghost. Well, they’re not! Pay more attention the next time, else expect some more genuinely acid replies!

Actually, last night I had a feeling I really am great at handling problems! I started handling problems at a very young age. I was seven when my parents divorced and had been dealing with having two families that really didn’t like each other that much. Other than that, although my parents didn’t allow me to do a lot of things (like clubbing and such) during high-school, I still had to face all the temptations on my own! (I am a pretty good liar, when I want) And thank God I had enough brains to stay on the right track, unless other girls and boys from split up or normal families, who chose the easier and more fun way! Party all the way, never mind the consequences, mummy has enough money to pay for your high-school finals!

But let’s forget about my high-school past, my moment of absolute glory (when some believed I was a geek, but how can one party like I did, when others thought I was an absolute whore, but how can one be the fist in their class, when I was consumed by being a genius/child prodigy issues) and return to my present!

Another moment of glory: I was the best employee on what press monitoring is concerned (no one ever handled as much work as I did!). But that cost a lot! My sensors got numb and I was totally taken off guard by a breaking up issue…Then another moment of glory – I felt so good when my best friends, Cris, Mishu and Oana (the order is not important BTW) told me I did great, considering…So I got on my feet, got a new job, had short periods of facing more idiots, and got up again…My job was all I ever wanted at times and it totally sucks right now. So I have to get ready for a new challenge again.

In what guys are concerned, this blog surprised me in a way I could’ve never imagined. I met K…But that story deserves it’s own post which will not come as soon as you would want it! Just want to keep this one just for me for a little longer! So stay tuned if you’re really interested! : ))

To end this incredibly long post, here are some lyrics for you, a motto of mine at times, along with “Pain always goes away”:

Empty spaces -
what are we living for
Abandoned places -
I guess we know the score
On and on,
does anybody know
what we are looking for...
Another hero,
another mindless crime
Behind the curtain,
in the pantomime
Hold the line,
does anybody want
to take it anymore
The show must go on,
The show must go on
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on.

Whatever happens,
I’ll leave it all to chance
Another heartache,
another failed romance
On and on,
does anybody know
what we are living for?
I guess I’m learning,
I must be warmer now
I’ll soon be turning,
round the corner now
Outside the dawn is breaking
But inside in the dark
I’m aching to be free
The show must go on
The show must go on
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on
My soul is painted
like the wings of butterflies
Fairytales of yesterday
will grow but never die
I can fly - my friends
The show must go on
The show must go on
I’ll face it with a grin
I’m never giving in
On - with the show -
I’ll top the bill, I’ll overkill
I have to find the will to carry on
On with the -
On with the show -
The show must go on...

The bolded parts are my favorite...

posted by Alina @ 1:51 PM  
  • At 8/05/2005 3:51 PM, Blogger bart said…

    "I need a stimulating working environment, but a battlefield is a bit too much for me!"

    Exactly... a person can't do the things needing doing properly if you're being made to feel nervous or suspicious or just plain ill at ease... good to read you're getting things on that front together...

    From what I read, you're in that phase of rethinking and reassessing a lot of things... necessary but very tiring and a bit frustrating too at moments...

    Anyhow, have a nice weekend and keep well :D

  • At 8/05/2005 3:53 PM, Blogger Paul said…

    That's true. Pain almost always goes away. There's that saying to keep in mind, "This too shall pass."

    When pain doesn't go away, like maybe with your friend with the kidney problem, that's the toughest thing to deal with. Maybe she's been dealing with it a while, and that's why she's so strong?

    Thanks for your commment. Good question. I tried to answer it!

  • At 8/05/2005 3:58 PM, Blogger Alina said…

    Yeah, Bart, it's tiring and a bit frustrating at times! Thank God I also have friendly faces round me at times! :) Thanks, and have a great weekend as well!

    Paul, my friend is the all time master at getting strange health problems that no one can deal with! For example, no one knows why she fainted in the first place! And a new problem appears each year. Yes, it made her strong!

  • At 8/05/2005 4:34 PM, Blogger irina said…

    Kayla, there so much we have to learn every day, new things, new situations, new people... These new things can weaken us at times, but only because we let them. When we wake up and rise from owr own ashes (sound familiar? :o) ) they can sure make us stronger. I am not worried about you, I guess you have enough instinct to survive...

    Sorry about Mada... And Paul knows all about how it feels, believe me...

  • At 8/05/2005 4:43 PM, Blogger Alina said…

    Thank you, Irina! I also have faith in myself and that is very important! I had no idea about Paul, but that only makes me admire him more!

  • At 8/05/2005 5:16 PM, Anonymous Calliani said…

    hi people, nobody is paying attention to the secret Mr. K, only me? Something good is happening i hope in your life Kayla. U know i am the chief of your NHA department (Newly Happened Actions Department). So don't worry we will be very careful about the actions u r getting in. U r in safe hands. Costfree!!!

  • At 8/05/2005 5:18 PM, Blogger Alina said…

    Really, Calliani? Am I in safe hands? Well, if it's costfree, than I must take it, no?

  • At 8/05/2005 6:23 PM, Anonymous Merriam W. said…

    1. 'Pain always goes away' - that's too bad! No pain,no gain!
    2. I'm anxious to read your future novel. Will you write the book in English? I hope so!
    3. 'commenters'/commentators ; 'week person'/weak... ; 'mummy' (no kidding! an Egyptian one?!...)/mommy
    4. ...enough... - for now.

  • At 8/05/2005 11:20 PM, Blogger doshar said…

    you did mention something about K here or there i think. i am interested and will wait for the long detailed post. :)

    and why do some people think you are a mess from your posts? can't guess at all.

  • At 8/06/2005 1:40 AM, Anonymous Marwa said…

    Love those words...

  • At 8/06/2005 8:51 AM, Blogger Shirazi said…

    Yes, pain always go away but leaves undeniable marks sometime.

  • At 8/06/2005 12:28 PM, Blogger Alina said…

    Merriam W, it's called word spellcheck...Sorry about that, thank u for pointing the mistakes out! Of course I won't write my novel in English! I'll have some proffesional help translating it because it will be so hot! And I'll have you double-checking it, just to be on the safe side, ok?
    Hmm, no pain, no gain? Really...I'll have to think about that one!

    It's coming Doshar, not sure when, but it is...And I don't know why they think that.

    Me too, Marwa!

    Shirazi, how else would we remember?

  • At 8/06/2005 2:21 PM, Blogger LouLou said…

    Love the lyrics Kayla. Who's the singer?

    Good luck with your K :)
    Come on. Details quickly. Don't keep us in suspense.

  • At 8/06/2005 3:47 PM, Blogger Shirazi said…

    Yup, how else would we remember? But there are nicer ways of leaving sweeter memories. No?

  • At 8/06/2005 9:27 PM, Blogger haal said…

    Love this of my favourites!

  • At 8/07/2005 3:15 PM, Blogger loloma said…

    Hi, Kayla! I'm last! And I managed to survive this long post of yours, yay! :)

    You seem to have been going through a lot. I guess we all have our ups and downs. I think what matters most is that when it happpens, you have someone you can open up to (whether it's family or friends).

    I know nobody else can solve my problems, but the simple fact that someone is willing to listen to me (even though I'm aware I sound plain pathetic at times) makes me feel much much better :)

  • At 8/08/2005 11:19 AM, Blogger Alina said…

    LouLou, it's a Queen song, one of their best in my opinion. And yeah, the details are coming!

    Sweeter memories...the ones that shoul stay closer to our heart! It would be something if only good things happened...But until we find a way to have only bright days, we have to deal with the dark ones as well. Even if just by diminishing the harm they do and saying wounds are just a way to remember.

    Haal, glad you like the song as well.

    Loloma, maybe the next one will be longer, but I'm sure you'll survive! :))
    Having someone to talk to is really important. It doesn't solve the problem, but it gives you the strength and confidence you need to believe you can solve the problem.

  • At 8/08/2005 1:14 PM, Blogger miss_scorpio said…

    Feel I've been running after two rabbits and would end up with none..just now. This is my feeling about my recently announced jobs to pick from. I should have some faith, I believe..Otherwise, I am thinking our new neighbour. Is it so wrong to try to forget one by focusing on another? :) Hmm, I am not that serious about him, he could just go, dissappear and nott have any problem with it. On the other hand, I want to see if it is true: that one does succeed in everyhting one decides on a challenge..
    I know, talking about me again...:(
    Pissed off about the office again. Hope we get to have a nice evening.
    ps how are things in the tower? gettting hotter and hotter? :)

  • At 8/08/2005 1:43 PM, Blogger Alina said…

    C, the tower is just fine! Thank God for this day without extreme heat!
    Pissed off about the office as well! Kinda missed you comments that have so little to do with my posts! :))
    C'mon, put a smile on that face of yours!

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Name: Alina
Home: Bucharest, Bucharest, Romania
About Me: "This is my church. This is where I heal my hurts". It's also where I feel free and my preferred means of expression.
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