Words of a Broken Mirror: On being polite

Yesterday while riding the bus to school I witnessed a conflict between an old man and a girl. It all started when she got up her chair, getting ready to step out at the next stop. He sat on her place and started making comments on youth, on how she was so impolite and did not stand up earlier to give him his seat. The girl protested, saying she didn’t see him and that he didn’t say anything about it. He replied she should have looked and that she did the same with an old woman, pretending not to see her.

At a certain moment of this fight, the old man threatened he will grab her by her pants and throw her out of the bus and actually started pulling her arm, calling her names. At this time, she fought back, starting to swear, and this was the moment the crowd started being on her side.

I was on no side, as the old man should have just stopped at a certain point. As far as I know, being polite is a matter of choice and forcing it on people never works. Yes, maybe the girl should have used different words, but when someone starts pulling your arm really hard and threatens to throw you out of the bus, is it a really good time to worry about proper speech?

And then the crowd…Hardly one person was heard saying something to the old man when he was abusing the girl, but everybody had something to say on her swears. And another amazing thing: old people in general are very bold when lecturing girls that don’t stand up to give their seat, but boys hardly ever get the same treatment, as they are more dangerous. Moreover, men in their 40s really have nothing to say about them sitting when women their age or older are standing.

I really thing we should apply the same standards for everyone, at every age. If you spent your life sitting when women were standing, why do you suddenly expect a girl to be nice to you when you get older? And shouldn’t boys and young men be the first to stand and only then girls, if we follow the rules of being polite?

To me it’s disgusting anyway when old people start to lecture, as usually they pick someone shy and who was paying attention to something else, when the bus is most crowded and the last thing on their mind is who needs their sit. Funny, I have never seen anyone saying no if the old person, instead of shouting and patronizing younger people simply asked to be given that seat! Yes, sometimes young people do feel sick and need to sit, yes, old people are not their major concern all of the time…But we should really find a middle way instead of this bus fights and we should really start being just about being polite. This also goes both ways.