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Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Did I ask too much, more than a lot?

Because of you I grew up too fast. Learned about elaborate lies and betrayal, learn no one is important enough for you and that I had nothing! Because of you I still cry occasionally…Like tonight…

I never learned the lesson you kept teaching. I never stopped expecting something from you. I got leftovers, like the dogs. Emotional leftovers; and learned to make the best out of it. Although I always expected the worst, I still got disappointed each time, heart-broken and empty inside.

I wonder what more than your blood I should have to count when you make your plans. I wonder what I should do to stop being a parade: what you are proud of in front of the world, as it is because of you that I am here…It’s not.

I put up a smile, say it’s ok, I understand. I do, actually, I understand you perfectly. That’s why I have such a hard time forgiving you. See, I do believe always choosing the easy way makes you a coward, an irresponsible teenager. And I wonder, when will you grow up? I am tired of taking care of you, when will it be your turn?

posted by Alina @ 9:24 PM  
  • At 8/22/2006 11:54 PM, Anonymous Sim said…

    Why don't you give me a sign when you are sad? I would call you now. Is it too late for you? Are you sleeping? I'll let you sleep just in case. Tomorrow will be a new day, keep up, like you always did, you're good at it and you know it.

    I'll call you tomorrow. Sleep tight! Kisses.

  • At 8/23/2006 1:49 AM, Blogger Safiya said…

    I'm sorry to hear you are sad. I hope it passes soon.

  • At 8/23/2006 6:47 AM, Blogger Alina said…

    Sim, Safiya, thanks so mcuh! It already passed, most of it :). Luckily for me, K is still in Bucharest so there was someone to comfort me.

    Sim, no need to call, but if you have time today, maybe we IM a little:)

  • At 8/24/2006 12:07 AM, Blogger Ali la Loca said…

    My sweet friend, I'm so sorry to hear that you are down. This post is something that I obviously don't know the details about but it doesn't matter. The pain, the betrayal, the hopes that weren't met - it goes over any details and becomes something universal that anyone who has ever experienced loss or sadness or dismay can identify with.

    I am sending you strong, healing thoughts from across the world.

  • At 8/28/2006 1:17 PM, Anonymous CristinaVintila said…

    You are so powerful, even when you are sad... This amazes me everytime about you. I am confident you will get over this..even though it is not easy, nor somethin' that you can simply leave behind just like that. And..just like Sim said, you can tell me as well when you are sad; I always complain about not having enough time for..anything, but I make time for my friends. I haven't read this post until a few days ago, when I also was sad, and realized how much I need my friends, someone to talk to when I think I have nowhere to go. Don't keep it all for yourself, this will make you ever sadder.

  • At 8/28/2006 3:04 PM, Blogger Alina said…

    Cris, thanks so much! I do know I can count on you! :)

  • At 11/21/2007 3:09 AM, Blogger Aline said…

    I loved it!!!
    Aline (Brazil)

  • At 11/21/2007 10:22 AM, Blogger Alina said…

    Hi Aline,

    Thank you. I don't love this piece of writing to be honest, it's just something I needed to let out.

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Name: Alina
Home: Bucharest, Bucharest, Romania
About Me: "This is my church. This is where I heal my hurts". It's also where I feel free and my preferred means of expression.
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