Be the first to read my latest entries on the New WOBM Blog!!!
Sunday, February 27, 2005
New decission
I’m just getting the hang of Picasa and Hello and I’m really proud of it! I didn’t get to do what I wanted, but at least I did something…There really are a lot of stuffs about computers that I really don’t know of.
I know I said I won’t mention Mr. Completely Wrong for Me unless something actually happens. But something kind of did, in my mind…I decided that I will try anyway! No matter what happens, I should just try him out and at least this way I won’t regret being to coward to give this a chance. If he hurts me, well, he won’t be the first one, and if the big Easter break-up with Razva did not kill me, I’m pretty sure nothing can.
After all, Razva is the only man that I’ve ever loved and I don’t want to let him remain the only one just because I’m afraid of getting hurt again. So, Mr. Completely Wrong for Me should really do some shaping up for what’s coming his way. One conclusion of mine is that, in the end, it all leads to something better, so…I’ll just go ahead…
My best friend is really upset. I don’t know how they do it, but even the best men end up acting like total pigs…One of the mysteries of life I presume! Funny, I was the only depressive one…
Other than that…I just got pissed of at work, again! But, at least I really ignore the colleague I mentioned yesterday…I’m learning fast how to become a bitch (please read this word thinking of the African-American pronunciation – it is more artistic this way and basically I like the sound of it…). So, starting Monday, I’ll come to the office with a brand new bitch attitude…Yeah, I’ll show’em. Actually, it will all be gone by Monday!
A prettier day today: more sun than in any other day of this week. Even the sun knows the weekend is coming! My weekend will consist in buying new shoes, a new shirt and going to the beauty salon. Hell, it’s payday today!!! But that also means paying some debts, very depressing moment might I add!
Razva read some of my blog. He says I sure write a lot. I know, I also talk a lot! I really do not know anyone who has not complained about how much I talk. Oh, just Mario, but then again, I had to tell him I was getting married in order to get him off my back…I should work on that maybe. Talk less, but better…
Viorel asked me to write a story for him. I said yes without giving it to much thought. But just now I realize what I promised is not that easy to achieve…I haven’t written anything decent in so long…But maybe, just maybe…
Although I try not to, since the moment of the promise, I haven’t thought of something else: what to write about? What about? I’ll figure it out. Or not…
A co-worker of mine has recently started to have a very awkward attitude towards me. At first I thought I was imagining things. It is true though. Yet I fail to see the reason of this change. So I suspect it has little to do with me. However, I’m not that sure I even wanna know what’s going on. I’m tired of colleagues holding things of no interest against me…So I’ll just say what I always say when I’m tired of trying to understand people: WHATEVER!!!
Although I am getting closer to the day when I’ll se Mr. Completely Wrong for Me, it feels like that day is actually getting further each day. I get more and more anxious and, of course, more and more scared…What if it will al be upside down and all wrong and… Ah, I really should try to take it easy…Relax…Have some faith in myself!
Viorel came back from Buzau today. I missed his jokes but really did not miss being called “little beast”…
I’m completely disoriented. On one hand, I am deliriously happy, swept of my feet, smiling all the time and the whole bunch of being in love. On the other hand, I am scared to death of the fact it will all remain in my imagination. He’ll return, not care, and then disappear again… Another one supposed to pass by me. Or worse, it will be just as I wanted it, but only for a short while.
Strange fact: there is this gorgeous guy living on the ground floor of my hostel. I had an about three weeks crush on him and during that period I never bumped into him. My room-mate did, almost every day. Now that it's all gone down the drain, I practically see him every day. Maybe this is the future of Mr. Com… No, I refuse to say it!
Enough complaining about all this!!! I’m not going to mention Mr. Completely Wrong for Me again until I see him, see what’s going on really…That is a promise!
A rainy day today… I kind of miss the sun…I really miss Mr. Completely Wrong for Me (Note to myself – maybe I should stop changing his name!). Anyway, no matter how I call him, I still miss him…He’ll be back on Saturday or next Thursday…Such a long time!
My grandmother’s eye surgery went great. She’ll be out of the hospital on Thursday. I went to see her before work. She was so happy to see me! But at the same time I saw this very old lady who could not hear very well and who was on her own! She was doing something against the doctor’s orders and no one could get through to her to explain everything. Maybe her family should have been there with her, just like my mom was there with my grandmother…And I thought this must have been true loneliness. Not even close to my moments of feeling lonely and depressed…
I called Radu today, it was business related. Still, some of the things he said to me offended a little. He does not know me either. Am I so hard to see? My true self, is it really so well hidden? Judging from people’s reactions, I should conclude that I am a very introverted person who never lets anyone get close to her…Actually I’m just the opposite. Maybe always putting your soul on the table is really a better shield than hiding it…Or maybe to some people I’m just not worth the trouble of being explored…
I would like to meet someone else who can guess what I’m thinking before it becomes clear for me. I always did that with Razvan (or thought I did), knowing what was on his mind better than he did. Probably this is one of the reasons I am so attracted to Mr. Completely Wrong for Me: I know he could eventually get to know me, just as I am. The only problem is if he would bother to…I don’t think so, but I still hope he will!
I know this is why I sometimes feel invisible, or like a ghost. It is all out in the open, yet people still do not see it. My thoughts are complicated and twisted and strange, but not more complicated and more twisted and stranger that others’! Actually, they are more everything…Still! I practically draw it all on the walls for people that I care about…
OK, enough complaining for a day. I think is time to go back to smiling and singing and just give Mr. Completely Wrong for Me the chance he probably does not deserve…Next, I’ll just wait and see. I’ll draw the map to my soul again, this time for him, and maybe he’ll be smart enough to follow it. There are no traps on my map…
You can tell by the way, she walks there she's my girl You can tell by the way, she talks that she rules the world. You can see in her eyes that no one is her chain. She's my girl, my supergirl.
And then she'd say, it's Ok, I got lost on the way but I'm a supergirl, and supergirls don't cry. And then she'd say, it's alright, I got home late last night, but I'm a supergirl, and supergirls just fly.
And then she'd say that nothing can go wrong. When you're in love, what can go wrong? And then she'd laugh the nightime into day pushing her fear further long.
And then she'd say, it's Ok, I got lost on the way but I'm a supergirl, and supergirls don't cry. And then she'd say, it's alright, I got home, late last night but I'm a supergirl, and supergirls just fly. And then she'd shout down the line tell me she's got no more time 'cause she's a supergirl, and supergirls don't hide. And then she'd scream in my face, tell me to leave, leave this place 'cause she's a supergirl, and supergirls just fly Yes, she's a supergirl, a supergirl, she's sewing seeds, she's burning trees She's sewing seeds, she's burning trees, yes, she's a supergirl, a supergirl, a supergirl, my supergirl..
One of the lines in this song, “Supergirls don’t cry”, is my welcome note on the phone, every phone I had…
I’m waiting and waiting for Mr. Totally Wrong for Me…Keep smiling all the time. Blue angel said I am happy only when there is a male-significant other in my life. Not quite true! If I was only counting on that, then most of my days would have been pretty blue. Actually, this new significant other should be the reason of a serious depression, considering his background and whereabouts… But I just always find the power to hope, to get up after each K.O. from a man and try again. Someone said to me I believe in myself, which is good. I want something and I try to get it, no matter how hard and painful. True, very true...And I’m not willing to give that up! This is who I am, men do not define me. I go trough hell for them, try as much as I can, push my limits until I feel I’m about to be torn apart…And in the end, if it is still over, it is not my loss: I gave it my best shot!
My mom said to me one time – we were talking about Mr. Totally Wrong for Me – that if I don’t believe in my dreams and desires, who will? I have to fight to make them come true, no one else…So there are two people telling me I should just go for it. Of course I smile more often because of him, but I could smile before…This whole deal with this man has been going on for so long and no one knew it… I never mentioned him once…Yet I did not act miserable…
I’ll be happier if you come my way, Mr. Totally Wrong for Me, but I’ll be alright without you: What is for you will never go by you!!!
I just found out that Mr. Totally Wrong for Me is coming back at the end of the week, or at the beginning of the next!!! So happy about that… Also, my matchmaker, who might I add, is the sweetest, coolest, smartest and funniest guy I know and is the closest to what I imagined my older brother would be like, said to me that he will also introduce me to someone else, a friend of his… He said he would also help me with my addiction, Mr. Totally Wrong for Me, but that two is better then one… I never told him, but I think that, self-destructive as I am, I will still pick Mr. Totally Wrong for Me. Anyway, he is right about something, it’s always better to have two options…
So, I think my week will be quite full! If I keep myself busy, then time will just fly by and I will find myself in the awkward situation of facing him and not knowing what to say or do… I wonder which of us will show more ego…Will he be all cocky about all of this, thus making me show my full of pride and egocentric self, or will it just be a lot of romance (with some serious chess-playing backstage action directed by my mastermind matchmaker, of course).
I do think of him whenever I see red roses… And I still think of him whenever I hear Morandi-Love me…
Anyway, if everything turns out to be uglier then in my worst nightmares, I’ll just make my self better with a Vin Diesel marathon… This old addiction of mine will help a little, I hope…
Great day at work up to know! Basically, my hard work was to wander through all the important jewelry stores… Any woman’s dream I presume, especially when you ask about natural pearls and diamonds… The whole adventure ended with highly aching legs both for me and my colleague (she had to go with me on this trip). Now I’m relaxing after all this with a nice cup of hot tea, music played by my previously mentioned colleague’s computer and my little blog…
I stopped by the church today. I somehow felt the need of saying thank you for my friend who survived the bomb attack. And I used the moment to light a candle for me and Mr. Totally Wrong for Me. How pathetic is that? You know for sure it is wrong, but you still ask for it… What is this? Masochism? Maybe…
I have this weird habit since I was in secondary school: if I have a crush on someone, I make up these very complicated stories about my life with that person. Even more awkward than that, the stories basically have the same pattern: happy, happy, joy, joy, I go through a lot of suffering because he is an idiot and does not realize what he is about to lose, comes back to me, happy, happy, joy, joy…The whole fantasizing stops if I actually get to be with that certain someone…
Tonight I was so happy and dreaming with my eyes very wide open about Mr. Totally Wrong for Me. Roses, love, the whole bunch…I should really get over this crap! It really is not doing me any good. I kind of diminished the expansion degree of these very complicated stories lately, but still… I should stop completely!
Making up stories with a lot of characters is something I did since I can remember. Every time I was home alone like. But that was when I was little…and was trying to fill a large amount of time spent home alone with nothing interesting broadcasted by the TV stations…
The weirdest thing is this is the first time I talk about it… Maybe because I know I really have to stop! Stop fantasizing about how it would be when I could actually live it! “Wait… Just wait!” (Riddick quotation – yeah, I have an obsession with Vin Diesel, that is why I use lines from his movies), wait until you have the chance to live it…
When I get bored I sometimes jump from one blog to another. I find it is a very easy way to find something interesting to read. This is how I found NoFo (http://www.nofo.blogspot.com/), a very interesting blog actually. But there is something else that I found out: Americans are so politically involved! God, and when I think of us, Romanians! Most of us don’t give a s*** about politics!
There is this guy in my office whose only interest I think is politics. He watches every move of every party and feels like sharing his almighty knowledge with all of us. And we all feel like getting fast ideas on how to shut him up. Of course this is not the right attitude!
Sure, I read the online newspapers every day! And read business magazines… But I never seem to stop at the politics page, especially when it is not about international events. World politics hardly ever catches my eye… Now, when I think about it, the only political conflict that I know about is that between Syria and Lebanon, but only due to the fact that the bomb going off recently threatened a friend of mine.
So, a little note to myself: you really should be more involved in what is going on around you, near, far, whatever! Should never be ignorant! In any field. Which leads to another black hole just in the middle of my brain: art! I really should get to know more about that…
MORANDI, LOVE ME – to you, The One Who Is Totally Wrong for Me!
Finally some news about my friend in Lebanon reached me! Thank God, he’s al right. He was wounded, not severely, just wounded, but luckily nothing worse happened to him! I am so happy to hear, I could dance like a dervish, to quote another movie character friend of mine (in case you did not guess, it’s from “Meet Joe Black”).
So, although it is kind of cloudy outside, as far as I am concerned, sun is shining, birds are singing, and all that….
I just realized five of my posts are somehow connected to one person. Pretty important person, I conclude…
Still no word from Beirut. I’m not that worried somehow. I have this feeling it cannot be bad. I’m waiting though…to get the worst thoughts off my mind.
Everything is very nice at work. Couldn’t be better. I just found out someone in the office has a problem with me spending 400.000 lei on a taxi (about 15 USD) to get to and come back from a meeting in the middle of nowhere… Oh, I’m sorry! Next time I’ll go on foot. I’ll get there in about 5 hours, no problem! Whatever… I don’t get some people! Just because I am younger does not mean that I am stupid, or not good enough for the job or that I should be punished to pay company activities from my own salary! But, like I said before…WHATEVER!
Interesting chat with a friend about how relationships should be. We started with “there is no fulfilling relationship without love” and ended up talking about a guy with lots of money who supposedly had all the women he ever wanted – mostly due to the previously mentioned wealth – but who never had true love. This was the moment when I said “at least money if there is no love anyway”! I think about it now and I still believe it is true. In the end we have a better chance of finding love then of finding true love. If I add the word “lasting” – you can see I’m not even daring to go near “everlasting”, the chances of wealth win by K.O.!
So, now I have a new reason to focus on my career in the marketing field, focus on my education and on everything else that prevents me from having a normal social life… Speaking of which, I noticed some improvement. Last night I stayed up late playing cards with friends and tonight I am meeting another friend of mine for some Coca-Cola or something! Moreover, I am using my job to hook up with old friends. I give them questionnaires to fill up in Regie, so I have to see them on a somewhat daily basis.
Returning to Coca-Cola, I am a very strange person in what Cola-drinks are concerned. Never mind the fact that I never touch Pepsi, any kind of Pepsi, unless my life depends on it – never the case up to now but never say never -, I actually do not like any other kind of Coca-Cola. Only regular for me, regardless of the country in which it has been bottled! I only admit to having a brief affair with Coca-Cola Vanilla, but that really did not last long!
Weather is finally getting better in Romania. No more frosts! Yet my cold is still hanging on and making me hate myself… I really cannot stand myself when I am sick! I do not respond to stimuli as fast as usual.
Always more details of the blast in Lebanon. Still no word of my friend though…I do hope he’ll turn out all right! I have this feeling nothing harmed him in any way, but I see the Associated Press photo covers of the story and I feel ice going up my spine. We’re all saying a little prayer for you!
So, I’m fed up with this setting up my blog thing! I never realized publishing a damn photo would turn out to be such a pain in the ass! And I still did not do it. Because of a stupid “Action timed out” issue. I really do not get it right. I’ll look into this sometime later. Right now I am pretty pissed of because of my failure.
I just found out that someone very dear to me was staying at the Lebanese hotel where the bomb attack took place today. 650 kg of TNT went sky-high taking down the front side of the building. Some very horrible pictures are available at this link: http://news.search.yahoo.com/news/search?ei=UTF-8&p=Lebanon&c=images&b=1. I do hope he is alright! Suddenly my problems seem tinier than ever.
From what I found out, those who stay in the targeted hotel are mostly foreigners. The people of Lebanon cannot afford staying in this five stars hotel, said to be the best in the country. Who did it? Syria? Israel? Who knows…People died, people got wounded… Other people are worried sick! Just like me and other friends of this person. But I must say, they did pick a good day! I am sure I could take all the St. Valentine’s crap without one word of complaint if things like this never happened again…
All our prayers are with you! We all hope to see you again as soon as possible!
Google too!!! Right now there really is no place on earth where you can hide from Valentine’s Day! God help us all and lets all pray the number of suicide attempts does not grow. I wonder if these Valentine loving masses ever stop to think of the lonely and miserable human beings that actually get more and more depressed because of this love exposing frenzy… When they kiss and hug each other more then they normally do, when they give presents and flowers in public, do they even care?
Actually they really should not care! They should just love each other and not give a f*** about the others! But they should do so all year round, not on a fake commercial day like Valentine’s Day!
So, it’s Valentine’s Day, again! I hoped that at least this year I would get away without remembering it… But that is absolutely impossible since the Romanians are so hooked on turning it into a local holiday. It still feels pretty imported, unnatural, out of place… But I guess people just need an excuse to remember love, romance, bla, bla…
Mario has just wished me a Happy Valentine’s Day. He must be completely out of his mind. Or obsessed… I have been constantly avoiding him for moths now. Still does not do the trick!
What is this thing with cards? You want to know one thing and they tell you three different other things, nevertheless true, but not what you needed to know!
Happy Valentine’s Day to You, Mr. Completely Wrong for Me…. I still want you although you will just end up by hurting me… I still think of your smile, your voice, your perfume… Everything about you is just so tempting. The forbidden fruit probably.
This blog actually sucks! I wanted it to be something, I don't really know what, but definitely not what it turned out to be. It is only a second diary which is a total waste of time. I already have a diary to which I am pretty faithful. So, I decided to stop writing here all these irrelevant things I kept blabbing about. The next step is to redefine the attributes of blog worthiness.
Something worth traveling freely in the everblogging world: an Austrian guy at a pretty large station in Ploiesti, trying to buy a ticket to Vienna. Guess what? He actually couldn't! Apart form the Romanian Railway Travel Agency and the Bucharest North Station, a tiny number of stations in the country could release international tickets. And Ploiesti was not one of them. So, he should go to Bucharest to buy the ticket, and then get on the train taking him to Austria on a route that always passes through Ploiesti!!! Only some extra 120 kilometers. Not that much! Only 8 dollars more to add to the ticket price. Not that much either! Then again the next train to Vienna was, you know, not in the same day... So, a night spent in a hotel, dinner, breakfast, lunch, an outrageous delay and stuff... What? Only about 200 dollars... Oh, you had other plans? Who cares! Information is power! Ask more questions the next time you plan to visit our beautiful country!!!
A couple of days ago I found out Marius Moga wrote the song "Love me" (Morandi). I think thanks are in order here! So, thank you for the beautiful song... There is something about this song... It always manages to surprise me. Always around when I least expected it! Oh, well, one of the little gifts of life...
Another sunny shiny Sunday... Cristi again in my life... It is always an issue of bad timing. I actually think it will be the end of the world when my feelings and a certain man's feelings will be expressed at the same time. But then again where would be the fun in it all? Isn't it better when you discover he wants you long after you stopped wanting him? But maybe just this time my feelings will have a powerful comeback...
Some very strange stories about Africa, Nigeria actually... Such a dangerous place! So many types of racism all over this planet…
Dune, surprisingly interesting novel! My dreams are suddenly inhabited by the Bene Gesserit organization, Atreides, Harkonnens and other strange characters. I also bought Dan Brown's Angels and Demons. Can't wait to get my hands on it!
Primul comentariu la ce am scrijelit eu aici. Now that is worth mentioning! Sincer, nu credeam sa se intample asa de repede.
I actually feel great today! N-am mai avut o zi asa buna de foarte mult timp. Soare, foarte cald si in biroul meu, ceiut bun cu lamaie multa...Mmmm.... Banuies ca fac parte dintr-un club al unui numar foarte redus de persoane care se simt excelent la serviciu. Sunt norocoasa, intr-adevar. Vin aici cu zambetul pe buze. As fi ipocrita sa nu recunosc ca si la plecare arborez acelasi zambet... But I really enjoy the time in between!
Pasiunea mea noua (noua de cateva luni, vreo patru la numar) pentru marketing da roade, se pare. Azi am finalizat primul chestionar pentru o cercetare de piata! Si acum nu trebuie decat sa ii si fac pe oameni sa raspunda... Dar sa lasam asta! Prea multe lucruri despre serviciu or sa devina plictisitoare mai curand decat imi imaginez eu!
Cartarescu, De ce iubim femeile... Intr-adevar nu e la fel de buna ca Orbitor sau Nostalgia... Dar merita citita oricum! De fapt, as citi orice semnat de el si ma rog zi de zi, alaturi de prietena mea Oana, sa apara si ultima parte din Orbiotor candva. Now would be a perfect moment!
Ma intreb ce as putea sa fac sa ma simt mai des la fel de bine ca acum... Nu sunt o persoana trista de felul meu, dar nici nu sunt pe culmile fericirii constant. Zile ca cea de azi merita savurate. Looking forward to seeing a "repeat of history", ca sa folosesc si in blog o expresie din Pitch Black, asta ca sa nu raman cu impresia ca nu pot trage foloase din faptul ca stiu mai toate replicile...
Oricat m-as gandi nu pot sa gasesc ideea perfecta pentru un roman. Si chiar daca gasesc ceva care sa se lege, o poveste care sa-mi convina cat de cat, nu mai sunt in stare sa o pun pe hartie... S-a dus si asta! De ani de zile incerc sa scriu altfel, ca sa nu para totul pierdut... Teme pentru facultate, jurnalul, pana si blogul asta... O gramada de aberatii de cele mai multe ori care irosesc timpul meu si uneori si pe al altora. Uneori sunt si lucruri cu o oarecare valoare. Niciodata insa literara...
Totul a fost o incercare de a ramane conectata cu ceva din trecut. Cu timpul in care aveam ideile si initiativa, desi nu prea stiam exact cum sa scriu... Apoi am invatat sa scriu oarecum. Si nu am mai scris. Aveam eu altele pe cap. Evident mai putin importante...
Whatever! A ciocanit cineva la usa. Am raspuns. O cauta de fapt pe colega mea... Anyway, dupa ce am inchis usa, m-am uitat in oglinda. De-a dreptul uimitor! Acum, seara, obosita si complet nearanjata, cu machiajul oarecum sters, arat mai bine ca in tot restul zilei! Pretty unexpected.
Mi-a dat bip Cristi! Baiatul cu florile... A sunny shinny Sunday.... Conversatie inutila dar placuta la telefon. Ce intorsaturi ciudate! Mereu insa in contratimp. De ce oare barbatii pe care eu ii vreau la un moment dat ma vor abia dupa ce eu nu prea ii mai vreau pe ei? O sa incerc sa ma distrez oricum cu Cristi, atat cat o sa pot si cat o sa imi iasa. Dar nimic mai mult... O sa las la o parte the prude attitude si o sa ma distrez pentru un timp. Cu oricine o sa am eu chef la un moment dat... I kind of need to enjoy experimenting for a while...
Mario ma streseaza aiurea in ultimul timp... No, I don't wanna be ur friend and no, I don't regret we didn't make it as a couple. No regrets, they don't work, asta asa, ca sa-l plagiez pe un amic de-ai mei (ha, am zis-o corect desi suna ca naiba!), muzician de meserie....
Ei, desi stiu ca blogul, jurnalul si toate celelalte mazgaleli ale mele incearca sa reinvie in mine ceva mort de prea mult timp, o sa le folosesc in continuare... Macar asa, ca sa imi mai trec timpul. Intr-adevar, beats knitting by far!... But not other stuff... Like actually having a social life! I have to work on that too!
Mesaj pentru restul de idioti care se vor perinda prin viata mea si nu vor realiza ce li se intampla pentru simplul motiv ca nu ii intereseaza: I'm not going down on my knees begging you to adore me! Viorel m-a numit fiara fascista, zice ca sunt rea si alte chestii, si toate astea pentru ca i-am spus ca n-o sa stau sa-i gatesc sotului meu. Ca daca o sa avem timp impreuna nu inteleg de ce l-am petrece eu in bucatarie si el in alt colt al casei. Mai bine stau cu el decat sa il indop cu mancare. Exista restaurante, fast-fooduri, semipreparate, oua, mame... Evident, nu e de acord! Doar definitia sotiei perfecte e o masina de gatit care nu se baga in priza... Duh! Silly girl, don't u get it? You won't end up alone because the man for you was never born. You will end up alone because you don't (as in "I do not want" not as in "I do not know how to") cook! Go to a chefs school. Like now!
Name: Alina Home: Bucharest, Bucharest, Romania About Me: "This is my church. This is where I heal my hurts". It's also where I feel free and my preferred means of expression. See my complete profile
ADS
On this blog, I accept sponsored reviews. Expect one such entry every now and then.I am picky about them, but you can contact me for the details.
