Yesterday I got a bit upset because of a friend of mine who couldn’t find the time to see me. I might have been asking for to much, but really didn’t care at the moment. Actually, no, it wasn’t too much, as she had set the day for our get together. I was pissed off for a while, but then I just decided to let it be. Not worth the fuss, anyway!

So I decided to join Cris who was going to check her brother’s results at the University (he had a lot of exams last week). We walked there (a great way to exercise) and we got into this talk about relationships. She said the best part about having a place of your own to go is that when you fight with him, you can have a “proudly slamming the door behind you an going to your place” scene. If you’re living together, there’s really nowhere you can go, so the scene is off!

Yeah, she’s really funny! But I was just thinking now, if you so much want the scene, you can go walk in the neighborhood for a while, then come back and continue to be upset because he didn’t stop you…Well, the possibilities of drama during a fight are endless. I for one I’d rather go without the whole fight in the first place…

It’s really hot these days. Can’t really eat because of that! Cris remembered that last year and the year before it was even hotter, but we didn’t seem to feel this bad. Well, last year it got hot gradually, not jumping from rain and floods to heat. But the problem with this heat is that it really messes people’s mind! Or I am just trying to blame cruel, indecent, crazy behavior on it…

A 13 year old girl was found dead yesterday. Other than being taken away from her family and possibly raped, she had three wooden hobs forced into her face. Now, what sick mind could do that??? The reporters had taped her parents crying. Their only question was why did they have to torture her like that?

Last night I staid up late, talking to Cris. We were both laughing, thinking of the weirdest things, too lazy at the same time to get up, go to the computer and press “B” to change the music. We were more into making fun of the music we didn’t like and she was asking “How the hell did this stupid song end up in your computer?” How did it, actually? Well, it was copied in my computer by ET when I bought it, along with a whole bunch of drivers that I never use…Did I mention the double cheesburger (Regie style) and the Coca-Cola bottle? Well, we had that too.

I will take a road so kindly suggested by Calliani some time ago: format C…and all. But not quite now! Sometime next week.

Before going to sleep, we watched a few episodes of the Happy Tree Friends series. Pretty messed up cartoons! Really sadistic! Yet all the characters look so cute before blood starts to spread! We decided that was the perfect replica of the Some-twisted-name Grup family (read the stuff of our company here)! We all look cute, but we’re really dangerous!

I’m supposed to meet my friend Oana today. It’s been I while since I saw her. I was busy moving, she was busy taking lots of exams. But we’ll make up for the time we didn’t share, I’m sure!

My YMS contacts, friends and colleagues mostly, have some really weird status messages, like “loosing my mind @ work” or “Toutes blessent, la derniere tue” or “Same shit, different day”. I think it’s because of the heat!

It’s really hot outside…Yet I feel pretty good today, smiling for no reason and all. I couldn’t explain why I feel like that, especially now, when the general state of things is kind of bad, but who cares anymore? “When you worry, you’ll make it double”, right? So everything seems beautiful for me although it isn’t.

I haven’t done much these days, just hanging around, waiting for the time to pass, hoping to find my place in the Bucharest working world and really wanting to get out of this office and out of the company for good! I am a pretty weird person. I can pretty much put up with a huge mess better than any other employee, but when I’ve had it, there’s absolutely no way of convincing me to change my mind.

A friend of mine asked for more photos of me. So last night I searched through my computer. And realized that the best photos I have (pictures in which I actually look happy and like having a great time) are all very recent. All the ET period is either missing (I have lots of pictures with people that were kind of close to the group) or showing a pretty upset little me. And a large number of hair colors! Weird!

I also looked at all the photos taken last year, at the seaside, and I felt this anger growing inside me. Those pictures will always be there to show me how stupid I was during that period.

Then the McDonald’s Christmas party that my company (read recently promoted marketing officer here) organized for about 60 orphans. The happy company family! The faces of those children who were completely mesmerized with the Asian features of our Malaysian bosses… And among those, a quick appearance of Mr. Completely Wrong for Me (another pretty stupid period of my life!). It all seems so far away, IT, last Christmas, my black outfit only period last winter (pretty depressed, stupid again!), the friends I lost, the friends I made afterwards, the friends I rediscovered… A lot has happened since last summer, all for the better.

The conclusion? I am really cured, I can actually listen to “When I need you” and enjoy the song and not think of you…Nothing lasts forever, not even the deepest pain…We always move on.

Actually I could sense this idea in a movie I saw a few days ago: Tango. Women abandoning men; men fantasizing about killing the women; all of them moving on in the end…

Your new found happiness is probably the misery of someone else…But you should not think of that, you should just enjoy it every step of the way, until it becomes your misery and the happiness of another…Your pain is just like acting, anyway!

I feel any little emotion with the intensity of a writer, an artist, I might as well act like a real writer in what actual writing is concerned! I did start writing again, and I actually had two quite productive sessions. It is about taking a different path in the given circumstances. I am actually rewriting the course of my life since the spring of 2004. Taking the paths that I now consider might have been better, easier, safer…

But remember this: the real me, the strong me, is the one who had the courage to take the roughest, dangerous, amazing way every time, who has made all the possible mistakes (trusting people included) and could still find the strength to accept them and move on.

I had my second interview today and it went great. They told me my grade in English was the best they’ve ever given to new employees and congratulated me on my English skills (95 points out of 100 – so close to perfection). Yeah, I had a minor problem on my technical test (really? I would say a huge problem). The interview was with my future (I hope) team leader. And the last one – if they call me again – would be with the department manager. So wish me luck for this last step of the way to a new job!

By the way, the more I go there, the more I want to be part of their team. I just hope they have the same thoughts regarding little old me!

I'm really not the right person to speak about the attacks in Egypt, so if any of you wants more information on the topic, you should read Mohamed's posts (you can find a link on my sidebar).

All I wanted to say is that I hope those terrorists, along with any other existing terrorists (I hate you, you cowards!) will end up burning in hell way sooner than they expected!

Oh, and of course Romanian tv journalists thought the fact that no Romanian was harmed (we love Egyptian vacations!) in the bombing was breaking news material! It wasn't! It should have been just a small add - "No Romanians harmed in the terrorist attacks in Egypt" - and you should have focused more on what happened there!

A lesson about dancing, a lesson about following and leading at the same time, a lesson about fear and about not being afraid, a lesson about love being very irresistible, yet very imperfect. A movie that ends when other movies start: the first kiss.

I knew dancing means letting someone else in your private space, letting him so close that it scares you. If this was somehow described in Dirty Dancing – Havana Nights, the Tango Lesson lets you feel the tension, the fear, the whole mix of feelings on your own. I have seen amazing dancing, but this was beyond amazing. Because I felt every move, every fight, every loss, basically every emotion.

Although it is a bit typical in what a man’s attitude is concerned, even in a so ironical way: let’s keep our distance but I will sleep in your bed! I won’t be where we decided to meet, but I will call you later and pretend you got the place all wrong. Then of course I’ll show up at your door…

And also typical in what a strong independent woman is concerned: yeah, I’ll cry my heart out because of you, but I will be dancing with someone else and make sure I can carry on with my project, I’ll let you lead when I have too, but I will run you with such a strong hand when it’s my turn that you won’t really know what’s going on…

And typical of real love story: it isn’t always easy, it’s never safe, but it is falling in love…

The dancing…what can I say about the dancing? As little as I can say about the music. Exquisite, perfect, gorgeous, touching the depths of infinity, making gates of heaven open so the angels could see it? Those are only empty words. I can use them all up and still not express everything that should be said about the tangos in this movie. You should just see it!

Other than that, Pablo Veron is my new hero!

Last night I went out with my University colleagues and let me say it was better than expected! First of all, I expected it to be something like 3 or 4 of us, Cris and I included. But there actually were about 10 people that came and we decided to make a new yahoo group (only our group) to easier keep in touch and to make these outings a long lasting habit. We didn’t stay long, but it was to so fun that it really didn’t matter.

At about 9.30 pm, we left and decided to walk home, as it was a 40 minutes walk. But choice! Some idiot gypsy thought it would be a good idea to steal my golden necklace that I had since I was ten! Well, if I needed any sign that I am pretty privileged, let me tell you that in these situation, you can pretty much kiss the necklace good-bye and get beaten if you try anything. Mine didn’t want to leave me, it seams. It got broken, but it remained around my neck! I took it in my hand and squeezed it really hard all the way home. This was a special gift from my mom on my tenth birthday and I think I would have cried for three days if he had gotten it!

My tests today…Wow, I’m still pretty dizzy! I sent my CV thinking “If they don’t find someone that great both in English and computers, maybe they’ll settle for me!” I really don’t know that much about servers, type of servers and types of viruses. But they called and I though, well I’m just lucky. I went there and almost started laughing when I saw the first part of the English test. Let me tell you the English part of the test was really easy. Hadn’t it be combined with client support techniques and extremely nice questions about operating systems, servers and viruses, it would have been piece of cake! But it wasn’t! So, I don’t really know what they actually wanted…

Wait, I just got a phone call. They called me and said that the test was ok and that they want me to go back there on Tuesday for and interview with the HR department. OK, things are really twisted! And I thought I completely sucked! I actually asked her: “Really, the test was ok?” and she said it was. Oh, well, I’ll keep you posted!

I got home from work yesterday and was just sitting around with my room-mate doing nothing at all. Suddenly, I had this idea to check out a new fast-food restaurant from the campus and then have a walk to burn the extra calories. And she agreed to it. So we headed to this new place but we had a big problem: it was Greek food and had no translation so we really had no idea what to choose! (Irina, if you’re reading this and have the time, maybe you can help me with that later).

We thought of it for about three seconds and decided to go to a place we knew better! We got our cheeseburgers (which were by the way better than always – I guess it’s because the competition gets more vicious in the summer cause half of the students leave the campus and new places are opened every month) and headed to the University. We were going to spend some time in the Cismigiu Park, but as we were really thirsty and couldn’t find one shop opened, we got to the University and spent about 10 minutes on a bench in front of the Bucharest National Theatre. We couldn’t stay longer because of the mosquitoes that have a strong attraction to my blood! Cristina was sitting beside me, having no problem at all, while I was all itchy!

The walk back was a little less pleasant as we were getting a bit tired, but still enjoyed the cool breeze (just like the seaside breeze!) and each other’s company. We got back, showered, got to bed and instantly fell asleep. Our walk lasted for about 2 hours and a half and the distance was of about 7-8 kilometers. It reminded me of the long walks we used to take every night last winter. It was better than any gym because it was in the outdoors.

Today I was feeling great! A good night sleep, some music we love in the morning, a nice walk to the office…Although she was on a leave this week, we walked together because she had to be somewhere near our office. And then the cocoa milk I bought which is another seaside reminder! Then some other good news that I got: I’m supposed to go take some tests at a company where I submitted a CV a few days ago! The tests will last for about three hours and I hope I’ll do my best. I think I kind of need a change of environment…So, guys wish me luck tomorrow!

I want to protest against all the silly middle-age workers who instead of repairing the streets or the hostels or whatever, check out every millimeter of every girl’s body. Instead of at least keeping their mouth shut, they also make stupid comments! I wonder, do these guys have daughters? If they do, they’re what? 16, 17? Would they like to see other men looking like that at their daughters and talking like that to them?

How to pass by without getting their attention? Well, I think it is almost impossible…It doesn’t really matter how good you look or if you are wearing a sexy outfit! As long as you are a young girl, you will catch their eye! Of course you’re a total bitch if you don’t smile back and don’t strip for them! What, doesn’t their attention help build your self-esteem? NO! IT REALLY DOESN’T!

Last night I had a mosquito problem. As I was in a short vacation, I didn’t experience the hot weather in Bucharest this year, especially near the river…So I completely forgot about mosquitoes and about buying something to exterminate any night blood sucking intruders. That is why I only slept for three hours and something, most of that, meaning two hours, from 5:30 in the morning. Imagine how in the mood I was for stupid middle-age crisis men!

One of these sub-humans (I am pissed off right now) actually tried to put his arms around me! I have to ask: why was he surprised by the brutal way in which his hand was kept far away from any part of my body??? It’s not like I’m the mini-skirt-and-transparent-blouse-early-in-the-morning type…I had a normal pair of jeans and a t-shirt, but that doesn’t seem to matter. And even if I was the above mentioned type, does that give men the right of putting their hands on whatever part of my body they admire the most?

I don’t know how they could change. Maybe it’s because they spend so much time doing physical work in this heat. Maybe it’s because they’re plain stupid and they only act driven by some animal instincts. But frankly I don’t give a damn about why they act like this. As long as I don’t walk around acting the way they do, I expect them to spare me their trivial pick-up lines (did these lines ever work???) and to keep their hands far from me. Unless they fancy getting hit in the head by a small (but always heavy) hand bag. I wonder if I’d say “Do that and I’ll cut your balls out in two seconds!” would they stop on their own. I guess I’ll be angry enough to try this line one day and I will sure give you all the following details.

Still raining...Floods everywhere, images of rooftops on the water surface, dead people, people who have lost everything and more rain! I can only imagine how losing everything feels like...

Yet I really admire the way Antena 1 uses this tragedy to increase its rating! I can really relate to one of their anchormen saying he now knows how it feels after his car has gotten a little wet! And you just have to love their piano music and the same falling apart house aired over and over again! I guess it was too hard to film several falling down houses...And of course, when everyone is crying around you, you can only focus on only one old man's teary eyes! And again play that image over and over again...Oh, I ask too much! Not really...

We had another birthday party today. It was Viorel’s turn and he brought so much food we’re all full and there is still half of it left. But the cake was awesome!!! These office parties are so great! We gather in the conference room, have some music if we feel like it, eat a lot, drink a lot of juice, laugh until we find it hard to breathe, give the present that was bought at the last moment and then eat, drink and laugh some more. When it’s over, everybody finds it hard to get up and walk to their computer…But we manage!

I also decided to have a free week starting Monday. I’ll just go home, do some thinking, rest a lot, relax and then come back to work. I am planning to take a break from the computer as well, although I am pretty sure I won’t be able to stay away from the blogosphere for that long. But my posts will be fewer than in a normal week. I think…Hey, at least I still have tomorrow to stick my eyes to the monitor!

Yesterday I was quietly walking to work when an old men going by turned around and said: “Stop drinking Coca-Cola!!!” I just thought “Not your damn business!” and continued to drink from the 1 liter bottle of ice-cold Coca-Cola I had just bought.

Later I started thinking about it and decided maybe I should take a break from so much Coca-Cola and coffee! So today is my first caffeine-free day! That’s why I am half asleep and cannot spell right one sentence without the all-correcting Word!

Yesterday evening and today I was really angry with someone. That person didn’t do anything to upset me, I am just so angry people aren’t able to simply read my mind…I think! Or I’m just completely crazy! Other than that, still sending CVs. The Hilton HR department actually replied to my email application. They will first go through all the CVs they receive this month and then call people for interviews. Luckily I’m not in a hurry.

I am actually thinking to get two jobs for the summer. On the other hand I’m thinking of running away to the seaside and work there for the summer! :) But I won’t do that, yet! I bought some cocoa milk we used to drink at the seaside every morning. It was perfect! Especially after a morning baggage-carrying session! I know it will be over soon! I can’t wait to move back to the Regie campus! I know the best places to eat, go out, have fun, play pool, waste time, buy stuff…

Going back to the carrying stuff part, I actually found a theme song for it: “Voices tell me/I should carry on…” We are carrying, trust me. The voices part always made me automatically think of this: “Voices tell you what to do? Then there’s something really wrong with you…Here, have my psychiatrist’s card!” Lol. Cristina said we’ll hear the voices quite soon. I couldn’t help asking: “Don’t you already hear them?” It amazing how we can turn this arm-stretching awful experience into something so funny!

Yeah, I’m still angry with you! Maybe you’ll one day pay for all this! :)

As I said before, I saw my friend Mishu this weekend. She lives with three other girls in a dorm of the Academy of Economic Studies and they have a paper stuck on the door with some very funny statements:

1. Nothing bad about women will ever be said in this room!
2. Sweets don’t make you fat!
3. Feel free to say how smart, beautiful and thin we are!
4. There will be no talk of politics here!
5. If you get bored, eat something!
6. Don’t stress out the computer, tomorrow is another day!
7. If you get lonely, call your room-mates!

Every time I visit her I read the list and can’t help laughing! Well, 1,2,3,6 and 7 could easily apply to me and to my blog…

The weekend was extremely rainy and it spoiled a lot of plans I had. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t have fun! Some of you might remember a certain jerk I mentioned who’s dating two girls but tries to convince me I’m the one for him in the mean time. Well, faith thought I should meet one of his girlfriends while they were on a date. So Friday evening, half an hour after arriving in my hometown, I ran into them. I could have chosen a bitchier attitude and could have said something really mean like “Oh, and how about the weekend plans you wanted to have with me?” or “Wow, you’re not desperately looking for a place to live in Bucharest?” But the girl was pretty nice and thought she shouldn’t find out what and asshole he is just like that! And then again he could have said I’m just jealous and convince her I was crazy…So, I just let it be!

The rest of the weekend was pretty quiet, mostly because of the rain that wouldn’t stop! But at least I had enough couch-potato quality time with my mom and my cousin! My cousin was in Ploiesti for an exam – he wanted to be enrolled at the Police High-school but he didn’t get in. I was very sad for him, as he had such high hopes and all, but I never really approved of this choice of his and I have to admit I am quite happy to know he will continue his education in Ploiesti (my mom and I will take care of the details), but in a regular high-school, not in an army-like one!

On Sunday I came back to Bucharest and met my friend Mishu. I know her since we were 11 years old that might explain why I could understand so easily her stories of what has been going on in the past week! She is supposed to leave to the US for a year long internship after passing the license exam (an after-graduation exam that finally provides you your degree). I know she’ll do just fine there, but I know I’ll miss her! Oh well, thank God for email and instant messaging!

Yesterday I continued my moving spree, carrying my baggage around the city to the new dorm. I got a nasty bruise on my right leg from the first moving session. It’s enormous, that’s why I showed it to all my coworkers. Other than that I have been sending CVs to several companies. To my delight, the Hilton hotel in Bucharest is hiring new blood at the moment, so I have a chance to finally make it to the field I always dreamed of – the hotel business. That is why I actually chose this second degree, tourism economics, to learn everything about hotel management and marketing! I am sure one day I will be the hotshot manager of a five star hotel! Hey, you can always hope!

God, I feel like hell tonight

Tears of rage I cannot fight

I'd be the last to help you understand

Are you strong enough to be my man?

...................................................................

Nothing's true and nothing's right

So let me be alone tonight

Cause you can't change the way I am

Are you strong enough to be my man?

...................................................................

I have a face I cannot show

I make the rules up as I go

Just try and love me if you can

Are you strong enough to be my man?

..........................................................................

When I've shown you that I just don't care

When I'm throwing punches in the air

When I'm broken down and I can't stand

Will you be MAN ENOUGH to be my man?

...........................................................................

I want somebody to share

Share the rest of my life

Share my innermost thoughts

Know my intimate details

Someone who’ll stand by my side

And give me support

And in return

She’ll get my support

She will listen to me

When I want to speak

About the world we live in

And life in general

Though my views may be wrong

They may even be perverted

She’ll hear me out

And won’t easily be converted

To my way of thinking

In fact she’ll often disagree

But at the end of it all

She will understand me

Aaaahhhhh....

.................................................

I want somebody who cares

For me passionately

With every thought and

With every breath

Someone who’ll help me see things

In a different light

All the things I detest

I will almost like

..............................

I want somebody

Who will put their arms around me

And kiss me tenderly

Domestic and International Tourism Economics – this is what I’ll be studying for the next four years! I found out that I would be accepted without taking an exam due to the national Latin contest awards that I won back in high-school. So I had to get my diplomas from home but my dad helped me with that as people who work with him come to Bucharest on daily basis.

Last night I was going through those diplomas, picking the ones I wanted to put in the enrollment file. And it struck me – those who said my life sucked were right, but it sucked for different reasons, not those they thought of!

So, I admit it, my life sucks compared to what it could have been if I had been using my full potential these past for years spent in Bucharest (not compared to others’ lives, because I did turn better than a lot of people I knew). And now I’ve decided! I’m not going to waste anymore time starting today. No more movie-watching or starring at the walls when I could be doing something useful!

Yesterday I had to check out of my dorm. So I spent yesterday filling papers and taking the bags that were left at a friend’s house. Cris and I walked so much yesterday that we simply crashed in our guest bed and forgot our plans of going to a club with some friends. We were way too tired for a party. Oh, yeah, student dorms managers are true idiots as you first have to check out and then check back in (if you spend the summer in Bucharest) after a couple of days…We’re lucky we have good friends, but moving all our stuff (you’d be surprised how much of those we have) all around the city is no fun.

Where have I moved (well, actually am in the process of moving)? In a private dorm…Expensive? Actually not more expensive than the state hostels which have a hotel status over the summer. So we got to the weird situation where we pay less to live in a private hostel. And you cannot imagine how this one looks compared to the others! It’s like moving from hell straight to paradise. Moreover, as I hate moving twice every year, we won’t have to move again this autumn; we’ll stay here for the next school year! Happy, happy, joy, joy!

Other than that, I also decided something else…As much as I dislike it, as much as I love working with my colleagues and everything else related to this office, it’s time to look for another job! There’s not much pressure right now, so I can afford to take my time to choose. But at least I decided it’s time to look somewhere else…

Oh, and a little something for my friends who don’t speak Romanian. A site containing poems in English written by Mihai Eminescu, my favorite Romanian poet. The translation is ok, it’s hard to match the Romanian version, though…My favorite poem from those contained by the site (just a few compared to how many he actually wrote) is Lucifer ( Romanian tile – “Luceafarul” – it’s the name of a star which is called the Evening Star in other translations I found). Enjoy!